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East Lansing, U.S.A. — Lee Abramson, 41, has announced that he is an independent candidate for the 2012 Presidential election.
Political expertise: His father, Paul Abramson, is a member of the American Political Science Association Hall of Fame, and is widely known as an expert in presidential politics.
Entrepreneurial experience: He is the first person to sell pork rinds on the Internet, and he sold 1000 CD’s out of the back of a truck in the two years he was a bass player in a rock band.
Leadership experience: In college, he ran an industrial kitchen, planning meals and stocking food supplies. Later, he became the leader of the Web applications support team at Lotus Development Corporation.
Other credentials: Abramson is arguably the greatest musician since King David, and his two best friends Eric and Elliott (who have the same Hebrew name), and all of his other friends and family say that he brings clarity to contentious issues with the wisdom of Solomon.
Abramson’s first act as President will be to move the American embassy in Israel to Jerusalem. His second act will be the immediate removal of all troops from Iraq and Afghanistan. He will use those resources to seal the border with Mexico, but only to combat drug trafficking. Abramson will reform immigration policies on the advice of his head of DHS. Abramson supports the use of MDMA in a controlled setting for treating veterans with PTSD.
Defense policy: Nuclear submarines will be the first expenditure to be cut. All employees and military personnel involved in running military nuclear reactors will be shifted into new domestic nuclear power plants. Strategic bombers and fighter planes will comprise the next program to be scaled back.
All spending cuts from those programs, specifically research on military aerospace engineering, will be redirected towards establishing more advanced domestic light rail systems and space tourism. The third program to be cut will be tanks and armored personnel carriers because conflicts we are involved in specifically in Afghanistan require foot patrols to engage with civilians, making tanks and armored personnel carriers irrelevant to the conflict there.
Tax policy: Abramson feels that we need to implement a more progressive tax policy. People with higher incomes will pay a higher percentage of their income tax than the middle class.
Healthcare policy: Abramson favors the creation of a new healthcare program called “Americare.” Americare will be a cradle-to-grave medical coverage program that will pay for the needs of all United States citizens and allow healthcare providers to be compensated according to their skill set. Americare will replace Medicare, Medicaid and the need for private insurance or supplemental insurance. Abramson feels that private insurance companies are criminal organizations because they profit by delaying and denying care, which could in some instances cause unnecessary deaths and suffering to people who rely on private insurance.
Abramson feels that all private insurance companies should be liquidated and all employees should be assigned to positions within the Americare apparatus. Furthermore, Abramson proposes a retroactive inception of the Americare policy that will bring about a “Jubilee year” where any low-income person with medical debt will have that debt forgiven. This policy will be paid for by implementing the tax and defense policies. Abramson will also increase federal spending on medical research, particularly ALS research.
Drug policy: Marijuana will be legalized and taxed, and will be sold only at authorized dispensaries, with a strictly enforced age limit of 18 years for use.
Image Courtesy of Lee Abramson